Challenging Journey

when the tra

2011-05-21T04:52:00.000-07:00

Secarik dari sebuah Tanda Tanya (?)

2011-04-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

Saya memang bukan kritikus film, bukan juga mahasiswa jurusan film, tidak juga memiliki ketertarikan khusus dengan dunia perfilman (ya.. tapi kalo diajak main film saya mau :p ), tapi saya mengacungkan 2 jempol untuk film tanda tanya karya Hanung Bramantyo. Film ini sangat menggambarkan situasi Indonesia yang sarat akan konflik. Mulai konflik agama, politik, keluarga, gender, sampai Ras dan suku. Menyedihkan jika melihat realita bahwa Indonesia memiliki ratusan suku dan ras, bahasa, dan lebih dari 5 agama yang sudah berabad-abad mendiami tanah bernama Indonesia. Namun tidak seperti seorang manusia yang semakin besar semakin dewasa, mungkin tanah Indonesia semakin lama semakin tandus dan mengering.

Saya yakin semua manusia pasti memiliki cerita dalam tanda tanya. Entah apa cerita itu. Bagi saya tanda tanya adalah sebuah anugerah. Dengan tanda tanya, ada sebuah pemikiran yang berkembang. Dengan tanda tanya ada beberapa pasang mata yang terbuka. Dengan tanda tanya ada beberapa kalangan yang geram. Dengan tanda tanya ada sejumlah tulisan yang muncul. Dengan tanda tanya ada beberapa tangan yang melipat, dan menggandeng sesama. Dengan tanda tanya... ada segenggam otak manusia yang berputar dan berpikir.

Sepercik isu gender

Pikiran saya berjalan ketika melihat seorang istri yang bekerja keras, banting tulang demi menafkahi keluarga, disuruh menceraikan suaminya karena sang suami tidak punya pekerjaan, dan tenggelam dalam rasa gengsi. Kelekatan ideologi Patriarki sangat terasa di scene ini. Laki-laki memang kepala keluarga. Bagaimanapun bentuknya, sejahat apapun kelakuannya, berapapun penghasilannya (bahkan NOL sekalipun), mereka tetaplah KEPALA KELUARGA!

Terkadang ada benarnya bahwa nasib perempuan ada di tangan perempuan. Ketika perempuan kuat, dan tetap berdiri pada pendiriannya, saat itulah dia menguasai dirinya sendiri. Saat itulah dia tetap berdiri tegar, dan mampu menghadapi kehidupan, dan paling penting menghadapi seonggok pria yang terselimuti pemikiran patriarkis.

Agama saya, agama kamu

Terlintas sesaat.. apa memang Islam ini agama saya? Seorang ayah yang patriarki dan merasa merajai keluarganya pasti akan menjawab, “ya iyalah. Bapaknya kan Islam, anaknya juga Islam”. Sesaat terlintas... apa agama itu tergantung keluarga? Seorang Ibu dengan pemikiran konservatif dan kolot akan berkata, “Kamu dilahirkan di lingkungan Islam, jadi Islam itu agama kamu.” Jadi apa arti agama bagi kamu.. saya.. anda?

Saya terlahir sebagai seorang Islam. Bukan muslimah yang taat, hanya seorang Islam. Saya berada di lingkungan Islam. Ayah, Ibu, Adik, Saudara, Keluarga besar, dan lingkungan baru pun dipilihkan harus Islam. Memasuki umur 5 tahun, saya sudah bersekolah di MADRASAH IAIN JAKARTA. Lingkungan baru seorang anak ingusan yang kaya dengan nuansa Islami, yang berisikan orang-orang satu agama. Menanjak SMP – SMA, saya dikelilingi oleh orang-orang multi-etnis, multi-agama, dan multi-ras. Disini saya belajar toleransi antar umat beragama, di fase ini saya memiliki teman dekat beragama berbeda, di waktu ini saya merasa mengenal manusia, dan di masa inilah saya berani memilih untuk melanjutkan studi ke sebuah UNIVERSITAS KATOLIK. Bukan masalah besar? Ya untuk sebagian orang. Sebagian lagi menganggap ini adalah sebuah penghianatan agama, sebagian melihat sebagai ancaman pindah agama, dan sebagian lagi membencinya tapi malah memilih bersikap diam seolah tak terjadi apa-apa.

Jadi apa yang terjadi? Tekad saya sudah bulat untuk bersekolah di tempat itu, jadi tidak ada satu hal pun yang akan mengurungkan niat saya. Konsekuensi pun harus saya dan pendukung saya tanggung. Semua biaya kuliah termasuk yang kecil-kecil harus ditanggung oleh ayah saya sendiri, karena ibu saya terlalu tertutup untuk dapat menerima bahwa saya ada di yayasan katolik. Berlebihan? Mungkin. Menurut mereka apakah sikap ibu saya berlebihan? Ya dan tidak. Apakah menurut anda sikap ibu saya berlebihan?

Dari sepenggal kisah itu, saya tertegun melihat keberanian Ria dalam film tanda tanya, seorang tokoh perempuan islam yang berpindah agama ke Katolik, memiliki anak laki-laki dan sahabat beragama Islam yang pintar dan tegar menghadapi cercaan tetangga, cacian keluarga, bahkan sikap diam sang ibu. Dia begitu yakin bahwa agama yang ditaatinya sekarang adalah miliknya. Begitu beraninya mengambil keputusan besar untuk belajar menerima hal baru di hidupnya. Tapi tokoh ini terlihat sangat bahagia. Tidak ada yang kosong dalam dirinya. Tokoh ini malah mengingatkan saya pada kejanggalan yang saya alami.

Kejanggalan yang hampir tidak mungkin terjadi pada orang seperti Ibu dan Ayah saya. Kegoyahan setiap kali diskusi agama. Kejujuran yang tidak sengaja terucap ketika ditanya perjalanan rohani. Keberanian yang belum ada untuk mempelajari hal baru dari hati. Ketakutan yang merasuki pikiran ketika hal baru itu melintas beberapa detik. Tapi saya ingin, saya ingin tahu, saya ingin coba, saya ingin berada di tempat yang seharusnya. Saya hanya ingin YAKIN. Saya hanya ingin percaya bahwa hubungan manusia dan Tuhan adalah vertikal. Saya hanya ingin merasa PASTI. Saya hanya tidak ingin terjerumus ke dalam pengotakkan agama yang dibuat oleh keluarga saya, untuk menilai seorang perempuan baik atau tidak. SAYA HANYA INGIN YAKIN!

Sebagian orang memilih untuk memendam pertanyaan, mengubur cerita, melupakan sejarah, membuang serpihan mimpi dalam sebuah tanda tanya besar. Namun ketika tanda tanya kembali menghantui, apa yang akan dilakukan? Kembali memendam, kembali mengubur, kembali melupakan, atau kembali membuang?

Dan jawabannya memang masih menjadi tanda tanya ( ? )

Gender Talk - Women Talk ?

2011-03-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

When you hear this word "women talk", what's caught on your mind? I bet it's either gossiping, love story. beauty talk, or just several complaints. I don't say that it's all wrong, but have you ladies realized that:

Men loves gossiping too, aite? gossiping in their way (sometimes rougher!).
Men do talk about their love story - when they falls in love, and really try to make good impression to the woman, they ask other man what to wear, what to bring, even sometimes what to say.
Men do beauty talk - the beauty of their body, doing a little research bout the best gym in town, or asking other men which personal trainer who could help them shape up their body
Hey, human-being complains! so justifying women with a word "complainer" isn't right at all. When a husband comes home finding his wife's asleep on the couch and forgot to serve him dinner, do they complain? Yes they do.

Speaking of gender issues is never enough, there will be another another and another issues emerge. On my twitter, I have composed some tweets regarding gender issues, here they are:

Merunduk & melihat bhw laki2 & perempuan berbeda biologically. Maka. Hak & kwjbnnya pun beda. #BicaraPerempuan 8:43 AM Mar 18th
Women are different & complicated. But those what makes us special inside and out.
I wish those men got the meaning of women's productive & reproductive roles 6:56 PM Mar 17th
Discussing about women-worker's rights is unstoppable.
Indonesia will be well-developed when the mid-class people can and willing to educate & help the poor. #isuperempuan 5:11 PM Mar 8th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
IOM '05-'10: 84.55% of trafficked women aren't allowed to keep earned money #isuperempuan 5:08 PM Mar 8th via Twitter for BlackBerry®
Indonesia telah mjd daerah pertama tujuan trafficking int'l - Data Int'l Org of Migration th 2005 - 2010. #isuperempuan
IOM '05-'10: there are 2.162 indonesian women & 600 indonesian children who got trafficked and abused. #isuperempuan

Those are some of my tweets. This is only part 1 of gender issues. Like someone once said, "the more you know, the more you love or hate". So this is me trying to open everybody's eyes by my not-too-good-i-know writing. See y'all on part 2. :)

Closing 2010

2010-12-31T19:48:00.000-08:00

Some people said that 2010 ran so fast. Ya, I agreed!

I thought I just spent New Year's Eve with Bacok & Mamo watching Kahitna's Performance LIVE at FX, had a very early breakfast at Salero Ajo Radal, being first passanger of Mamo's drift, and ended it all by having chocolate biscuits which i am now craving for. Hahaha...

Berbicara tentang tahun 2010 memang cukup sulit. Sulit karena di tahun inilah saya banyak melakukan hal-hal untuk pertama kalinya. Sulit karena (setelah dipikir-pikir lagi) saya tidak punya resolusi 2010. Sulit karena saya harus beradaptasi dengan banyak karakter baru.

Let's get a flashback! I just wanted to do these things in 2010 (not a resolution) :

1. Back to school !!

2. Healthier Lifestyle

3. Traveling to at least 1 kota di Indonesia, dan 1 Negara lain

4. Earn money

In fact, di 2010 semua hal diatas memang saya (coba) lakukan, dan yang paling sulit dijalankan adalah NOMOR 2!!! Mmm orang lain punya kaleidoskop 2010, karena saya pelupa dan agak malas menulis (kecuali kalo dipaksa) saya mencoba bikin The Wonderful Things I did in 2010. So here they are:

1. Starting 2010 by being a post-grad student at Gender Studies UI was pretty unexpected. Hal terbesar yang saya ingin lakukan di 2010. Kembali ke sekolah, banyak menemukan kisah-kisah baru tentang perempuan, dan disini saya bebas mengekspresikan diri saya seutuhnya sebagai perempuan di dalam assignment. Awalnya memang susah utk kembali nulis paper, kembali begadang tengah malem after working mostly 10 hours a day buat ngerjain tugas atau sekedar baca buku (karna kalo ngga baca, saya akan terlihat sangat bodoh - satu hal yg saya tidak rasakan saat kuliah di Unpar). But I this is my passion, so i'll work harder for it!

2. Creative Assistant for Cosmopolitan fm. WOW!!

Pertama kali saya sadar bahwa "ok, balik lagi nih ke dunia radio" i thought it was easy.. taunyaaaaa? booo... syusyeh ye. Tapi bekerja bersama Arlingga Panega, seorang penyiar yang berdedikasi tinggi pada dunia broadcast dan radio - penyiar favorit jaman SMP/SMA, membuat semua kesulitan yg saya temui hilang begitu saja. I once told him that I'd love to steal his bright brain!!

More flawless, saya membuat show Irfan + Angga. The back to school - show untuk kalangan 90'an yang lumayan berhasil mengembalikan mereka ke jaman kesuksesan Irfan + Angga. I have to admit, satu kebanggaan sendiri ketika melihat penyiar saya tertawa lepas tanpa beban saat on-air.

Sebenernya masih banyak yang saya dapatkan dari pekerjaan ini, tapi yang paling penting adalah saya jadi lebih kenal JAKARTA!! Yes, sekarang saya tau jalan ke kelapa gading, daerah Taman Anggrek, dll. hahhaha simple but essential!

3. Love life? - I had a fling with few guys but none of them worked out. Yeah.. including the drama of Olla & David (Crap!!)

4. Varied Trip!!

One of things I wanted to do in 2010 was going abroad to at least one country. In fact, I did it to 2 countries, Malaysia and Spore!! Yeaay.. Hanny and I visited Sheila in KL, and went to Spore for a short getaway (and such a goodbye-trip). But no matter what happened after those trips, I don't care. I had so much fun at those times and I couldn't do it with my family (wanna know why? - *giggles* l a t e r ! )

Museum Trip!! - FINALLY!!! Ini salah satu hal yang udah lamaaa banget saya rencanakan tapi nggak pernah terealisasi. Dan di 2010 bersama Angga, Nico, Marshel, Alex (yaa yg lain lupa), we went to 6 Museums and ended the trip by having Bebong at Glodok! It was quite a trip!!

5. I finally got the car under my name! - YESSSS!!

Last but not least, let's start 2011 by Smiling Widely, and way to go!!

“Ini badanku…”

2010-10-02T00:06:00.000-07:00

Acara keluarga bukanlah moment yang saya tunggu-tunggu. Apalagi jika mengundang hampir seluruh keluarga besar, seperti saat hari raya. Saya adalah cucu pertama dari keluarga ibu, jadi sudah tentu semua mata tertuju pada saya, mulai baju yang saya pakai sampai kegiatan yang saya lakukan. Semua orang pun bertanya ada saya, dari basa-basi sampai hal tidak penting. Saya yakin mungkin hampir separuh perempuan lajang berumur 20 – 30 tahun muak sekali ketika ditanya, “Pacarnya mana, kok nggak dibawa?”, atau “Udah punya pacar belum?”, atau “kapan nih mama-nya punya menantu?”. Namun dari semua pertanyaan itu, saya mendapatkan pertanyaan “jackpot” saat lebaran kemarin, “Kak, kurusin badan dong, biar mama cepet mantu. Udah selesai kuliah, udah kerja tunggu apa lagi. Kurusin badan dong biar tambah cantik kayak model di tv tuh”. Saya kaget mendengar pertanyaan sekaligus pernyataan tante saya, tante jauh lebih tepatnya. Beberapa pertanyaan pun muncul di benak saya, mengapa saya harus memiliki bentuk tubuh seperti model?, mengapa tante saya pikir kalau perempuan gemuk itu tidak disukai laki-laki?

Pertanyaan saya beberapa waktu lalu itu mungkin bisa terjawab melalui teori feminisme radikal yang muncul pada pertengahan tahun 1960-an, dan aliran yang menawarkan ideologi perjuangan separatisme perempuan. Pada sejarahnya, aliran ini muncul sebagai reaksi atas kultur seksisme atau dominasi sosial berdasar jenis kelamin di Barat pada tahun 1960-an, utamanya melawan kekerasan seksual dan industri pornografi. Pemahaman penindasan laki-laki terhadap perempuan adalah satu fakta dalam sistem masyarakat yang sekarang ada.

Bila menurut Feminisme Liberal, negara adalah cerminan dari kelompok kepentingan yang memang memiliki kendali atas negara tersebut. Untuk kebanyakan kaum Liberal Feminis, perempuan cendrung berada “didalam” negara hanya sebatas warga negara bukan sebagai pembuat kebijakan. Sehingga dalam hal ini ada ketidaksetaraan perempuan dalam politik atau bernegara. Dalam perkembangan berikutnya, pandangan dari kaum Feminist Liberal mengenai “kesetaraan” setidaknya memiliki pengaruhnya tersendiri terhadap perkembangan “pengaruh dan kesetaraan perempuan untuk melakukan kegiatan politik seperti membuat kebijakan di sebuah negara”.

Apa yang tersebut dalam Feminisme Liberal tidaklah cukup untuk menciptakan suatu perubahan signifikan atas nasib kaum perempuan. Ketika penindasan terhadap perempuan terjadi akibat sistem patriarki, tubuh perempuan-lah yang menjadi objek utama penindasan oleh kekuasaan laki-laki. Oleh karena itu, feminisme radikal mempermasalahkan antara lain tubuh serta hak-hak reproduksi, seksualitas (termasuk lesbianisme), sistem gender, pornografi dan mothering.

Ada dua aliran dalam feminisme radikal, yaitu: Feminis radikal-kultural dan Radikal-libertarian. Menurut Gayle Rubin, feminis radikal-libertarian, seks/gender adalah suatu rangkaian pengaturan, yang digunakan oleh masyarakat untuk mentransformasi seksualitas biologis menjadi produk kegiatan manusia. Kate Millet pun menyatakan bahwa akar opresi perempuan terhadap perempuan sudah terkubur dalam sistem seks/gender dalam patriarki. Sebuah ideology yang membesar-besarkan perbedaan biologis antara laki-laki dan perempuan, dan memastikan bahwa laki-laki selalu mempunyai peran maskulin dan dominan, sedangkan perempuan subordinat dan feminine.Shulamith Firestone bahkan berpendapat bahwa dasar material ideology seksual/politik dari submisi perempuan dan dominasi laki-laki berakar pada peran reproduksi laki-laki dan perempuan.

Selain Feminis Radikal-Libertarian, ada juga feminis Radikal-kultural. Marilyn French percaya melihat stratifikasi laki-laki yang diatas perempuan pada gilirannya mengarahkan pada stratifikasi kelas: yang elit menguasai orang-orang yang dipandang “lebih dekat ke alam”. Dari pemikiran ini French meneliti asal muasal patriarki, dan ditemukan bahwa hasrat laki-laki adalah untuk menguasai kombinasi “perempuan/alam”, dan sangat menghargai apa yang disebut dengan power-over. Berbeda dengan French, Mary Daly justru lebih ingin mereinterpretasikan sifat-sifat feminine tradisional. Sifat-sifat yang positif seperti cinta, kelembutan, saling berbagi, dan saling menjaga, harus secara hati-hati, karena seringkali dimaknai secara salah.

Feminis Radikal-Libertarian dan Radikal-kultural terpecah belah karena perbedaan pendapat yang timpang tentang beberapa isu, salah satunya adalah pornografi, Masyarakat Indonesia masih belum terbuka dengan masalah pornografi, apalagi dengan pengenalan pendidikan seks pada anak. ketertutupan akan masalah seks inilah yang membuat pemikiran-pemikiran kuno terpatri dalam benak masyarakat Indonesia. Sewaktu saya kuliah Bandung, salah satu teman laki-laki saya pernah bercerita bahwa sebelum ia pindah ke Bandung, ayahnya “mewanti-wantinya untuk berhati-hati terhadap perempuan sunda yang katanya matrealistis dan genit. Feminis radikal pun berjuang untuk mematahkan pemikiran dangkal seperti ini.

Feminis radikal libertarian menekankan tidak ada yang salah dengan perempuan yang berfantasi tentang laki-laki yang disukainya, dengan batasan pemerkorsaan yang sungguh sudah melampaui batas. Sedangkan radikal cultural meyakini bahwa seksualitas dan gender adalah produk dari kekuatan sosial yang sama opresifnya, dan pornografi tidak lebih dari propaganda patriarchal. Dari sinilah perbedaan pemikiran dua aliran ini terus melebar.

Pornografi merupakan salah satu isu penting yang terus dihadapi feminis radikal, namun bukankah isu mengenai badan perempuan tidak akan pernah usai? Saya teringat dengan cerita ibu saya tentang Seorang tetangga kami yang merupakan ibu dari seorang anak perempuan yang sudah kuliah semester 3. Tante Rima, biasa saya panggil, adalah perempuan jawa tulen berusia 48 tahun, dan ramah sekali. Saya tidak menyangka dibalik senyum dan keramahannya itu, ia menyimpan luka akibat perlakuan kasar mantan suami dan anaknya yang laki-laki. Ibu saya pernah bercerita bahwa Tante Rima ditinggal suaminya beberapa tahun setelah anak perempuannya lahir. Suaminya berdarah batak dengan marga Simatupang. Usut punya usut suaminya sangat menginginkan anak laki-laki, sesuai dengan kepercayaan adat batak. Setelah melahirkan dan kembali ke rumah, suaminya pun bahkan tidak membantu Tante Rima mengurus anaknya, padahal anak itu adalah anak mereka berdua.

Dalam kasus diatas, Pemikiran Marilyn French juga dapat dipakai dalam kasus ini dimana stratifikasi laki-laki yang diatas perempuan pada gilirannya mengarahkan pada stratifikasi kelas: yang elit menguasai orang-orang yang dipandang “lebih dekat ke alam”. Budaya patriarki yang sudah mendarah-daging dalam tubuh suami Tante Rima, membuatnya lebih “taat” dan memilih budaya daripada istrinya sendiri. Terlihat jelas suaminya seolah-olah menguasai sang istri, sehingga semua beban harus dipikul oleh sang istri sendiri.

Essay Carol Hanisch yang berjudul "The personal is political" menjadi gagasan yang mampu menjangkau permasalahan perempuan sampai ranah privat, masalah yang dianggap paling tabu untuk diangkat ke permukaan. Kesimpulan refleksi ini mirip dengan apa yang dikatakan Hanisch dalam essay-nya bahwa peran perempuan sebagai individu atau keluarga adalah sama penting dengan masalah kekuatan politik, yang bukan melulu tentang pemerintahan dan election. Namun Informasi atau pandangan buruk juga banyak ditujukan kepada feminis radikal. Padahal, karena pengalamannya membongkar persoalan-persoalan privat inilah Indonesia saat ini memiliki Undang Undang RI no. 23 tentang Penghapusan Kekerasan Dalam Rumah Tangga (UU PKDRT).

The Author is baaaacccckkk!!

2009-10-08T02:10:00.001-07:00

Yuhuuuuuu... Hellooo... Hopla

I am BACK, People!!!
After a very long hibernation, I am now so back to this sophisticated war. Calling it "war" cos there actually is between my brain, feeling, and these fingers. When the brain feels like working, the feeling and fingers are sometimes very lazy to do their job desc. In consequence, here i am, the author - who has been months not writting any single words, back to do her old sleepy hobby.

Unicef 12th floor, Jakarta 4.24 pm..

It's been 2 months working here as an intern. So far so great... until i felt like kinda useless. I go to the office everyday, from 9.30 am to 5 pm, just to do NOTHING. But since i found something interesting here inside, i dont mind to be here everyday. That something's called CURIOUSITY.

About whom.... ?

A stranger who successfully made me blushing sometimes. This man is way extra-ordinary. Mature, settled, independent, experienced, and a mystery. I frankly cannot tell you who he is, cos i think i am not supposed to. But to make it slightly clear, he is not Mr. DRR.. :) it's odd cos i frequently cant resist my curiousity, so when we both meet online, I ask him loads of Qs. Lucky me, he's very "cooperative", yet flirty. lol. Anyhow, I enjoy the flirting part.

Hmmm.. it is 4.39 pm now... Time to pick up my mom, then sist. I'll continue my story tomorrow. See yaaaaaaaaa... mmmwaaah..

Off for a while..

2009-07-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

Hey Readers and other bloggers..

I'm off for a while ya.. gotta run for things and find other exciting journey!
Dont wait up but i'll be back!!

Mwaaah!

The Messiah Complex

2009-06-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Those stories were written by my bf. He sent me those stories a month ago when I asked him to. I'd never know that he loves writting if i've never read his resume. Well, he hasn't known that I put his writtings on my blog page, I don't know he'd say yes or no, if I told him. I just want everyone (i know) also enjoy them, because they are good stories indeed. So, please do not copy them.

"Me and the author/my bf, David"

The first two chapters below set the scene and introduce you to some of the key characters. Note the themes, as this is a political satire, with religious undertones, democracy and all that. The novel itself also covers several social issues, and of course, the fact about mental asylums.

Enjoy!

The Messiah Complex – Or how I learnt to love politics

“On a hot summer night…”

The ward was quiet at night, the stillness of the moon acting as the night guard. But the Doctor continued his usual route, his steps a gentle patter against an empty dark backdrop of misery. If anything, the night simply made the place even bleaker, the Doctor thought. The empty hallways, though lit by the occasional light, still reeked of hopelessness. What could the Doctor do in such an extreme case? How does one invoke change when no change seemed possible? The Doctor had often pondered that question on his rounds. But it always seemed to lead back to one irrefutable fact.

Change came from choice.
And that choice in itself could only be inspired by hope.
The hallways remained the same, as always.

Sighing, the Doctor moved to the nearest door to his right. The corridor waited for him as he peered through the glass panel of the door, gazing into the room. A bed sat to the side, with an occupant on it. He slept with his legs pulled up under his chin in the Foetal position. And from the look of his shaking shoulders, the man seemed to be crying in his sleep. The Doctor watched him for a while, behind the veneer of glass.

He then reached in his pocket and pulled out a Dictaphone. He clicked record and spoke into it, his voice husky, yet fluid.

“Michael’s still crying in his sleep. Ask him about what he dreams about.”

CLICK!

The Doctor’s finger stopped the recording, having cited one man’s whole experience in a few simple words. It applied for everyone and the Doctor knew he had to keep it that way. While all-knowing, he could not make his presence known.

He could not get involved.
Let alone intervene.
Sometimes, the Doctor thought if God had to face the same problem.

Turning away from the door, the Doctor made his way further down the corridor to the next door. The night kept its watch and refused to change. Reaching the door, the Doctor looked in, as before. But unlike before, a new world greeted him. Inside the room was a series of books piled one on top of each other in one neat column in the middle of the floor. The Doctor noticed the careful placement of the books, each lined up squarely and sorted by shape and size. His eyes then turned to the occupant of the room, who laid peacefully asleep on his bed. A small crease of a smile was on the sleeper’s face. That was worrying, the Doctor thought.

CLICK!

“Napoleon seems more rested. Must be due to the upcoming election.”

The Doctor unclicked the Dictaphone and lowered it from his mouth. His earlier thoughts about change and choice drifted into his mind again. Yet it was then that the Doctor realized that not all change was good. Sometimes it was bad. He frowned at that thought, before turning away.

His footsteps were heavier as he approached the last door in the corridor. It sat to his left and as the Doctor approached, he heard a scuffling noise above him. He paused, glancing at the roof, thinking it might have been a rat. But the source of the noise disappeared to nothing. The Doctor sniffed and moved to peer into the last room.

It was then that the Doctor’s eyes shot open. Inside the room, the bed was empty. The sheets had been stripped from the bed, and were hanging from a wall ventilation shaft. The shaft was exposed and the grill had been torn away and left broken on the ground.

Eddie had escaped.
That’s the third time this month.

The Doctor turned and ran, his hand sliding along the wall before he smacked the red emergency button. Sirens billowed out in the dark night.

Eddie lurched in the confined space, the distant sirens rumbling down the narrow metal shaft. His narrow shoulders, like chicken wings, braced against the wall and Eddie began to panic.

“Not again!” he spat desperately.
But he wasn’t talking about his foiled escape attempt.

It was the fear.
It had just kicked in and gripped his body like a vice.
Eddie began to cry, there and then.

Unable to get out.
Unable to escape.

Napoleon woke dryly, like a predator sensing the scent of its prey. Recognising the sirens, he simply smiled. He was better than the rest. He didn’t get scared.

Lurching up from his place, Napoleon yawned as he stretched his right arm, muscles tensing almost systematically as he coiled his left under his chin. When he had finished his stretch, he brought his arm back into sight and gazed at his watch.

It was 12:02am.
He smiled with little teeth.
The new day had begun.

Michael continued to cry, his silent ritual invisible under the sirens.

But he didn’t stop.
He was unable to.
The dream was just too awful.
Just too beautiful.

He was standing on a high place, dressed in his pale dressing gown, his arms out to his side and his head raised up. Wind blew through his hair and Michael breathed in deeply. And then, he fell forward, into the empty air.
Michael then woke up, shooting upright in his bed, awash with sweat.

“He’s coming!” he shouted, “He’s coming!”

First Impressions

“You’re going to love the place,” the driver said to Felix.

In the back seat of the beige sedan, which rolled onwards along the road, Felix chose not to reply. Anything he thought or might have been said, or could have said, would have been revalued, reviewed and reevaluated in a blink of an eye.

Just because he was in the back seat.
Just because he was the crazy one.

Instead, Felix sat still, staring out the car window at the passing countryside. Hills rolled by as they always did in the country and Felix watched as the fence line by the side of the road darted alongside the rolling car. The reason why he watched the fence line was in the vain hope that it would go on forever. Never ending in a tranquil dream. Unfortunately, he thought, that was just a dream.

At twenty six, Felix appeared to have it all. A good job, a cupboard full of suits, a nice car, and not to mention the girlfriend. It was all there, his life, laid out before him. But all that had changed in a blink of an eye. Felix had never seen it coming. Perhaps it was the gradual buildup towards the inevitable, or a trigger that had set him off. But what Felix knew was that once you fell over the edge, it was a hell of a long way to get back up. But right now, staring out at the fenceline, Felix couldn’t care less about the past.

He was only interested in the present.
He was only interested in peace.

Glancing up from his thoughts, Felix took in his image staring back in the window of the car door. His blonde hair was neatly trimmed and combed to the side, treating itself to a small rise above his forehead. Felix’s skin was smooth and ran over subtle cheekbones and a fair jaw line. And two crisp blue eyes stared back from his reflection. But from his composed appearance, what Felix was intrigued by most was his mouth. It seemed to droop, not in line with the rest of his face. The gap between his nose and upper lip seemed greater than most people’s, but only by the tiniest of margins. Felix knew why his mouth was so. It was because it was sad.

He was sad.

Meantime, the car began to slow and Felix felt the car turn to the right. Gravel crunched under the tyres as the car took a new direction, Felix glancing forward through the windscreen. A gate greeted the car. Tall and menacing, the gate almost lumbered over the car as it slowed to a halt, beside a small security booth. The driver, who had said nothing since last, unwound his side window as a guard stepped from the booth to the car. The two men conversed softly, Felix unable to hear. He glanced away, taking in the gate. From it, a fence just as tall, at least three metres in height, stretched out along Felix’s vision, escaping only as it curved in its round boundary.

Felix frowned.

Just then, the gate parted and the car eased forward slowly. The gravel continued to crunch under the tyres, but only now like a slow funeral procession. For as the car entered the compound, the large gates closed behind it, locking Felix’s destiny in place. Felix felt the shudder one feels when fear took over, running down his spine like an electric current. From his place in the back seat, he could see the car roll by trimmed grass, smooth against the morning sun. Trees dotted the wide expanse, Felix guessing at least a hundred altogether. Felix guessed this from the three metre fence line, which stretched around the area, dominating it. In his inspection, his eyes couldn’t escape seeing the building ahead, the car drawing steadily closer. It was a stunning mansion of white, standing on a slight rise of the land with columns, stairs and all the razzle dazzle that such splendid architecture brought. The narrow gravel track circled up to the main entrance, which seemed to open its arms, welcoming the car into its good grace. But it was then that Felix noticed the bars on the windows.

This wasn’t a mansion.
It was a prison.

He had arrived.
He had reached Messant Asylum.

He greeted Felix at the door. The Doctor, no doubt, Felix thought. Who else wore a white lab coat at a mental asylum? The Doctor came and shook Felix’s hand right there in the foyer. In front of the driver who carried his suitcase. Several of the tall guards in white. Even in front of a hairy man dressed in his blue robe being led away by another guard. As Felix’s hand shook, he noticed the hairy man muttering away, barely audible among the warm welcome.

“Good morning Felix,” the Doctor said with a genuine smile, attracting Felix’s attention for a moment,

“Welcome to Messant.”

Felix nodded, somewhat politely, before staring up and around at his new surroundings, taking in what was indeed a great lobby. It would have been like walking into a plush inner city hotel. It had the Victoriana pomp and ceremony, Felix thought. A grand stairway met the door and parted above him, escaping to the upstairs floor. The lobby facing him was decked with smooth marble, somehow welcoming yet forbidding. A large chandelier floated from up high. But what Felix found more interesting was the walls. Any space that could be found was filled with pictures and mirrors, antiques and relics. The mere glimpse of pitch white paint shone between the cracks. And for a moment, Felix wanted to drift between all these artifacts, rather than remind himself of what laid before him, but a hand rested on his shoulder, dispersing the spell.

“Come,” the Doctor said, “You must be tired.”

The Doctor eased him forward and Felix followed. The two of them began to make their way towards the door opposite the main entrance, leading into the asylum.

“You didn’t say,” Felix muttered.

The Doctor, in step, replied, “What didn’t I say?”

“That,” Felix started slowly, “This was an asylum.”
The Doctor seemed humoured.

“Call it what you will,” he answered, “But I have always seen it as a place of refuge. A retreat even.”

He stepped in front of Felix and opened the door that they had met.

“Welcome to your new home.”

The Doctor watched as Felix stepped by. He seemed unreassured, or perhaps he was indifferent about his new surroundings. That was not new. But how the patients reacted later, that was another thing entirely.

The Doctor was quick to lead Felix down a corridor to the left. The two attendees followed closely behind them. The Doctor had read the preliminary psychological report on Felix. He was harmless. The attendees were there to protect Felix.

They then entered the main corridor, leading into the manor. Two glassed rooms sat on either side. And like fishbowls, they showed another pair of worlds. Felix didn’t glance at them, so the Doctor didn’t show explain. Instead, he introduced Felix to his new home.

“Messant was formerly a time of humble origins. The land was actually used for farming, and used extensively during the Second World War for its location. After which, the land was brought by a film studio. The same one who made ‘Victoriana 1800.’ Have you heard of that show?”

The Doctor turned to Felix, but received no response. He simply stared at the path ahead.

“Probably before your time,” The Doctor added, “Anyhow, this house was actually built for the series. It did not last long, and when the show ended, the property travelled through several hands before the government gained claim to it in 1974. Then it was given to the health department to establish a mental health institute. So Messant has certainly had a colourful history.”

At this point, the two of them with the attendees slowed as the patient from the foyer before, Alfred, was being led carefully along the corridor by his handler. Alfred’s hair was a mess and his rope dirty with sweet. But as he was being led along, he began to rant softly at his attendee.

“It’s him, you know,” Alfred’s voice rasped, “He was behind it.”The attendee gripped Alfred’s arm tightly,

“Easy now.”

“But… but, the election…”

Felix turned to the Doctor, “What is going on?”

The Doctor was just about to answer, when suddenly, Alfred managed to pull himself away frantically.

“The chair!” he shouted, “I must have it!”

The attendee went to grab, but Alfred was too swift. He pulled and used the attendee’s own weight against him, throwing the man against the wall. He went to run, but movement darted around the Doctor as his two attendees leapt forward and tackled Alfred firmly. Alfred put up a fight, pushing to get away, screaming and kicking. But the two attendees, pressing him from either side, literally lifted him off his feet as the third attendee joined them. At the nearest door, they piled through, but not before the third attendee punched out at Alfred’s stomach, sending him reeling. They escaped out of sight, and with the slam of the door, it was as if nothing had ever happened. The Doctor and Felix just stood there, the corridor suddenly empty.

“What just happened?” Felix asked, with an almost childlike innocence.

“Oh nothing,” the Doctor replied, “Alfred must not be coping with his new medications. We will have to change the dosage.”

Then, turning to Felix, the Doctor offered him a smile. Felix didn’t reply. Instead, he glanced downwards. The Doctor followed his gaze to find that he had gripped Felix’s arm tightly, completely unaware during the previous fight.

The Doctor let go, “My apologies. Please, let us go to my office.”

Napoleon watched Felix with a hawk-like gaze as her was led away, slipping from sight behind the mahogany furnishings. Napoleon saw everything, nothing ever seemed to miss his attention. One could say that knowledge was everything. And that could only be attained from seeing alone. But what about blind faith? Was that the same? No, that was why people also said seeing is believing, Napoleon concluded.

Napoleon’s real name was Christopher Johnson. But he always preferred Napoleon. Not because life had granted him only five feet in height. Or that he had his bouts of Napoleonic Complex, as according to the Doctor. Napoleon was Napoleon because both men were visionaries. The original ruled Europe. Napoleon the Second would also rule. For each man was a visionary, seeking a better tomorrow.

Napoleon smiled, his weather beaten face creasing as trickles of sunlight shadowed over his face. He carried a round figure, stout but solid, with his hair carefully combed to the side. Age, not life, had been good to him. But by God, he thought, now was his chance.

“Anyway, back to where I was,” Napoleon spoke, an air of dramatic accord in his voice, “Now that Alfred is out of the way, that leaves only two credible candidates for the election.”

He raised his hand and counted his fingers.

“Let’s see. Two minus one equals one. Meaning, there is only other opponent to deal with.”

At this point, Napoleon looked around himself in his staunched seat to find his bodyguard standing fast. He was another patient at Messant, and his name was simply Brett. He was tall and strong, like an oak tree with legs. Brett did little, and said even less. Some, seeing Napoleon sitting there with Brett standing over them, could have thought they were a comic act. One particular inmate had made that remark. He was later wheeled out of the asylum with a breathing tube down his throat. The rule was simple in Messant.

You respect Napoleon.
Especially with Brett nearby.

“What do you think?” Napoleon asked Brett, “Should I get rid of Hector too?”

Hector was the other candidate in the upcoming election.

Brett simply shook his head.

Napoleon weighed the argument in his head for a moment, returning to slouch in his slouched chair.

“True,” Napoleon began in a monologue, “If word got out that Alfred had been poisoned and I did get rid of Hector somehow, then questions might be asked about my tactics. But tactics. Tactics. No war can be won without them. And yet, if Hector were to stay in the race, certainly it would be best to wait how the voters respond to a two party system. They should certainly see my suitability for the chair. And with Alfred gone, I can almost certainly declare that with his supporters, I can gain a majority before the…”

At this point, Napoleon realized he was ranting and stopped.

He took a breath.
Then continued.

“The votes. They count. Look at Florida. Bush was a smart cookie, especially for a Texan. No, I know what to do. Let Hector continue his campaign. I’ll simply let Alfred’s supporters choose their side. I might giver a speech perhaps to sway them. And…”

It was at this point, Napoleon paused to think about the new guy he had seen in the hallway before. With the Doctor. That new guy seemed timid, potentially easy enough to make an impression, stamped right on his youthful face. Napoleon had to get him first, before Hector did.

It was vital.
As was tactics.
And votes too.

“Brett,” Napoleon commanded, gesturing for him to lean down, “Once the Doctor is finished with him, check where his new quarters are. Then tomorrow, I would very much like to meet my new friend.”

Brett nodded grimly, before stepping past, his large steps shaking the room around him. Napoleon’s tea, sitting on the side table near his arm rest, jiggled slightly. As Brett left the room, Napoleon smiled to himself as he lifted the tea cup in a toast. The election was in the bag.

“To me,” he gleamed.

By: David Richard Reid

SMS in the morning

2009-06-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

"Why a guy expecting us to read his mind, while he himself doesn't like to do ours"

Doesn't it sound unfair? In fact, this morning i received a message sounded so. I dont really know wat it's called, but last nite was fun, more than fun. I missed such moment - gathering, sharing, and stuff - but it felt incomplete without my batch mate in URS. lol.. I was very happy until I tried to call him, but got no answer. 2 minutes later, he told me that he was sick and wanted to take a rest. I was worried actually, but the message itself just sounded like "I'm the cause of his sickness". Was it me? Well I've been sick for almost 4 days, and always updated him, because i know it's a must to keep a bf updated bout what happen with me. I just hope he realized the same way too, but what if he doesnt? However, I gotta admit that yes, I upset with him coz of the way he told me that he's sick. :(

*Still miss him*

Me and Them.. ?

2009-06-26T09:28:00.000-07:00

Babas said it wasn't usefull. mmm let me try it. hahaha (ga penting!)

Go through your wall posts and list the last 21 people to post on your wall or comment on your status. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Thenanswer the 42 questions pertaining to the 21 names. When you're finished, tag all 21 people on the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and pastethis information into a new note and follow the directions above.

1. Dwitya Indiana Basitha

2. Dewy Shinta

3. Asri Wulandari

4. Edna Tarigan

5. Adisti Chandra

6. Talitha Sabrina

7. Nindya Sekar

8. Harris Tri Pratama

9. Sabrina Azis

10 Iratania Tiaradewi

11 Rengga Adiputranto

12 Abishek Shindu

13 Prita Sevdwina

14 Grace Josephine
15 Nicole Cruz

16 Pungki Senoadji

17 Piota

18 Ryan Rahardjo

19 Pascalis Iswari

20 Alicia Simanungkalit

21 Sukma Prematasari

The questions:

1. How did you meet 1?

We met on campus orientation, and became close friends since then.

2. What would you do if you never met 15?

mmm then i'd never have known who Filipino people are

3. Would you date 20?

LOL! Sorry im still straight.

4. Have you ever seen 8 cry?

I hope I had..

5. Would 3 and 13 make a good couple?

Im not sure. They dont know each other, but it might be.

6. Describe 9!

She's my friend from college, class of 2004. Fun person to be with, loves photography.

7. Do you like 16?

At the first time, yes. But later on, he became such a stranger to me.

8. Do you think 5 is attractive?

I dont know her that well. She's my batch mate at college, and a kind person.

9. When was the last time you talked to 8?

Just now on YM..

10. Would you ever date 10?

We're dating since we were born. In fact, We are sisters.

11. Where does 15 live?

Behind Mc Donalds Katipunan, Manila, Philippines.

12. What’s the best thing about 21?

She' caring and understanding. One of my closest friends.

13. What would you like to tell 18 right now?

Rean, I don't know if I can make it tomorrow. :)

14. What is the best thing about 7?

She's loving and caring. My aunty/friend.

15. Have you ever kissed 4?

Hahahahahah.. absolutely never and won't

16. What's the best memory you have of 3?

Asri was my bestfriend back then in elementary school. We met in the 3rd grade,

and she was also my chair mate if im not mistaken.

17. When's the next time you're going to see 12?

I dont know when.. ahaha, he's in India thou.

18. Is 18 pretty?

Yes yes.. he is!

19. What was your first impression of 4?

High temper and not-goofy at all..

20. Is 13 your best friend?

Not really, but she's one of the girls.

21. Have you seen 16 in the last month?

nope i haven't..

22. When was the last time you saw 14?

Not sure, but last week I guess.. Last time i heard, she was in jakarta doing some interviews.

23. Have you been to 21's house?

hahaha not yet, her house is in Malang. But i wish i could go there at least once.

24. When is the next time you'll see 10?

next week at home..

25. Are you really close to 1?

Ahaaha yes we are. she slept over at mine almost everyday.

26. Would you give 19 a hug?

why not? she's a little old lady. ahahaha kidding, Ri!

27. Have you ever been to 11's house?

Not yet. But i would come.. hehee ^.^

28. Do you know a secret about 5?

No. I know nothing bout her. hehehe.

29. Describe the relationship between 17 and 19?

They are in the same genk. ahahaha

30. What's your friendship like with 7?

We are good friends, and she's a good aunty. lol..

Pindahan? Ohh No!

2009-06-26T09:00:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaahhh.. pengen nonton KING! Katanya orang2 lagi pada cinta banget sama transformers, yaudah kenapa jadi si King itu yang penuh sih? sampe di BIP alay alay aja penuh. huh.. yaudah gapapa, untungnya hari ini cukup senang membantu si kecil tikus itu pindahan dari kamar mini-nya yang jarang sekali di tempati. huuuhuuhuu sedih sih bantuin orang lain pindahan, ga kebayang aja gimana kalo gw yang nanti pindahan. Pasti masalah-masalah berikut ini akan muncul:

1. "aaaahhhh banyak banget barang gw??!!!"

2. Kardus..kardus..kardus..

3. Telfon bala bantuan buat nolongin packing..

4. "Rak buku gw diapain ya? masa ditinggal? mau dibawa pulaang.."

5. "ini kertas-kertas sialan banyak banget sih, repott!"

Tapi sebelum pindahan, harus foooootooo dulu sama anak2 kosaaann doong. si ucrit-ucrit yang udah setia menemani gw selama 2 tahun belakangan.. :)

*Eh ada lagi sih yang mau ditulis, tapi ntar aja deh. pegel! ahhahahaha

Copied from Vira's..

2009-06-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

001. Real name : Intan Cinditiara
002. Like it? : Pretty much..
003. Nickname(s) : Olla, Ura Wura, Ura, Bolla, etc
004. Status : In an LDR
005. Zodiac sign : pisces
006. Male or female : female
007. Elementary : Madrasah Pembangunan IAIN Jakarta (hahahaa)
008. Middle School : SMP 11 Jakarta
009. High School : SMA 6 Jakarta
010. Hair color : black
011. Long or short : Long and grow longer (ahh sounds scary)
012. Eye color : dark brown
013. Weight : ehmm ..
014. Height : about 166, I guess..
015. Righty or lefty : righty, alrighty.
016. Loud or Quiet : can be both.
017. Sweats or Jeans : jeans of course
018. Phone or Camera : phone. or camera phone?
019. Health freak : not at all
020. Piercings? : none
021. Do you have a crush on someone? : Yes, definitely!
022. Eat or Drink : Eat.
023. Purse or Backpack : Purse
024. Tattoos : Temporary one.
025. Do You Like Yourself? : yepp. why shouldnt I?
026. Current worry? : will I get master scholarship ?

THIS OR THAT:

027. Orange or Apple Juice? : Orange Juice
028. Night or Day? : Night
029. Sun or Moon? : Moon
030. TV or Internet? : TV
031.PlayStation or XBox? : Neither
032. Kiss or Hug? : Hugs
033. Iguana or Turtle? : Iguana
034. Spider or Bee? : Bee
035. Fall or Spring? : Fall
036. Limewire or iTunes? : iTunes.
037. Soccer or Baseball? : soccer

FIRSTS:

038. First surgery : Throat Surgery (Amandel)
039. First piercing : Earlope. Long... time ago.
040. First best friend : Novita Indriasari
041. First Sport? : Swimming
042. First award : Story Telling Competition in 2000
043. First crush : Dana. When i was in 3rd grade. :)
044. First pet : Bird (arrgggh, it's my dad's)
045. First big vacation : Java Trip
046. First big birthday : When a little girl always celebrated birthdays. It's just not anymore.

CURRENTLY:

047. Eating : i'm fasting today
048. Drinking : fasting..
049. I'm about to : go to Uni, and do errands
050. Listening to : Star Movies - 90210
051. Singing? : Teruskanlah - Agnes Monica (gatau kenapa jadi nyanyi itu)
052. Typing? : this long quiz
053. Waiting for : holiday and graduation

YOUR FUTURE:

054. Want kids? : yes. of course
055. When? : before I get 27
056. Want to get married? : yep. definitely.
057. When? : When the right time comes. around 25 or earlier. lol
058. Where Do You Want To Live? : the new comfort zone.
059. Careers in mind : communication director of international organization
060. What Did You Want To Be When You Were Little? : a host, and a doctor
061. Mellow Future Or Wild? : Hopefully both
062. Something You Would Never Try? : eat raw meats!

WHICH IS BETTER WITH BOY?

063. Lips or eyes : both. eyes mostly
064. Shorter or taller? : talle!!
065. Romantic or spontaneous : spontaneous
066. Nice stomach or nice arms : nice arms
067. Sensitive or loud : sensitive
068. Hook-up or relationship : relationship.
069. Trouble maker or hesitant : hesitant
070. Hugging or Kissing? : kissing.
071. Tan Skinned or Light? : tan !!
072. Dark or Light Hair? : dark
073. Muscular or Normal? : normal

HAVE YOU EVER:

074. Lost glasses/contacts : yes. once in the beach.
075. Ran away from home : yes, but i just ran to my grandma's.
076. Held a gun/knife for self defense? : nope
077. Killed somebody : BIG NO
078. Broken someone's heart : maybe..
079. Been arrested : DEFINITELY NEVER.
080. Cried when someone died : yes, I did.
081. Kissed A Stranger? : unconsciously yes. just once.
no.082. Climbed Up A Tree? : not yet.
083. Liked A Friend As More Than A Friend? : I used to, not anymore.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

084. Yourself : Optimistically yes.
085. Miracles : Yes, a little.
086. Love at first sight : not a love.
087. Heaven : Faithfully yes.
088. Santa Claus : Nope
089. Kiss on the first date : mmm i dont mind.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

090. Is there one person you want to be with right now : Yes yes yes. it's you, who else?!
091. Do You Like Someone? : mmmmm maybe still.
092. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life : I simply am.
093. Do you believe in God : YES. I do

LASTS:

094. Recieved/Sent Text Message : 5001 (Mobile Loads)
095. Received Call : Edita Pukka
096. Call Made? : Pukka
097. Comment On Twitter : Dhanisa
098. Missed Call? : Harris
099. Person You Hung out With? : The Girls and Buddies..

100. tag tag tag tag tag

Finally Plooong!

2009-06-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

Yuhuuuuuuu....Thank God!

I Finally got my first degree, Bachelor of Political Science!! After I felt like 2 months-stuck on thesis and stuff, yesterday the presentation went very well.

BIG THANKS for all the unstoppable support and prayers.. for those people below:

1.Parents, sister, Mbak Ijah > for the unconditional valuable things

2.Great Supervisor, Yulius Purwadi Hermawan, Ph.D, and also the panel, Mas Nur and Bang Atom. The "invisible hand", Mas Andre and Bang Tian. :)

3.The Besties and IR's buddies: Erie, Rengga Kungkang, Oom Hendra, putra, Ardan, Bono, Ode, Ronny, Gilang, Yudha, Ben, Bogel, Gana, Rean, Bebek, Zi, Putra, Rabby, Moe, Dikmas,Victor, Babas Waci, Nindya Bacok, Debolita, Tani Indira, Jesica Jablaisme, Riri, Prita Printil, Cendolita, Mira Bolang, Mira Rumate, Mia Saraswati, Nadiya Amanda, and all.

4. Ambipur (Anak bimbingan Mas Pur): Vira, Sukma, Lena, Tya, Deedee, Dita, Wulani, Ferry, Rina (kakanya Tani), Alicia, Detta, and all.

5. The "far-sighted":Harra, Dendy, Hanny, Sheila, Ignes, Titie, Dhanisa, Mamo Chan, Sandra, Harris, and Nana.

Cemara 4 : Ney, Uni, Neta, Ka Ely, dan Bibi..

6. Filipino Family: Levy, Louis, The Mendoza's, AIESEC Phils, and Brookside Comm. Thanks soo much for inspiring me in writting the 2nd and 4th chapter.

7. Last but not least, a guy named David Richard Reid. "Ready for the next plan, babe!" xoxo :)

Thank you soo much. Kisses!!!

Manila, January 10, 2009..

2009-06-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Bloggy,

Yes I know tomorrow is the big day, and I should've washed my hair tonite so i'd go to bed earlier. But I still wanna write my day over and over again. Is it coz of nervous thingy? (dont care).

Anyways, I am feeling better now, just chatted with David, and he suggested to do presentation practice. "Yes, I'll do it tonite".. Who's David ? Well, it was the 4th day staying in Manila, when one of AIESEC member called me to go to a farewell dinner around Katipunan. I was away from that place, i didn't even know the place. Well, I just thought "OK. real experience just begun". I was with 1 chinese and 1 korean, who barely could speak english. ahahahaha LOL. We took a cab to go there, and on the way, those east asians were asleep. Yeah, i was the one who talked to the cab driver, explained who we are, and told him the destination. Pretty tiring and annoying. Thank god, my phone was fully loaded, so i called Bianca Mate, my manager, to explain where to go to the cab driver. (and yes they were still having great dreams).

"Ok, the place is good. Whose farewell is this?"

I stepped in to the resto, seeing a bunch of filipinos, and some international trainees, like me. Well, there was a guy sitting on the wooden chair and having a bottle of red horse. He came to us, and shaked our hand, as we introduced ourselves to each other.

"Hello. I'm David" -

"I'm Olla, where are u from?"

"Australia, Sydney",

and bla bla bla bla. until he said, "please take a seat"

I sat next to him, and kept talking about what we did there. Until 15 minutes later, I realized that it was his farewell dinner. The filipinos asked him bout hs flight, gave him a short speech, and filipino handycrafts. (Oooohhh Snap! We just met!). Well, i gotta admit that there was something uncommon, such a chemistry. I could feel it when we were talking, taking pictures, or ..... (cant tell). At the end of the dinner, we shared our number, in case one of us would like to talk.

Two or three days after the farewell, I did remember he was leaving. I decided to text him, and told him to be careful and keep in touch. then... I was surprised reading his reply that he sent me text 1 nite before, but it was failed because he saved my number wrong. Argggghhhh... I couldnt do anything. He was about to leave Manila, and already in Airport.

But.. it was all worth it. We kept in touch, until on April 10th, we officially in a long distance relationship (LDR). Are we ok with it ? Yes.. Do we trust each other? keep trying to.. But one thing for sure that we are happy together. ^.^

Nervous !

2009-06-22T04:42:00.000-07:00

Dear bloggy,

Tomorrow is a BIG day!!!! Defense and present my thesis. Well, i was ready while i was still waiting for the schedule. But this time, hours to go to 9 am tomorrow, i'm feeling suddenly clueless. Some said it's common, but i never felt this way before. Worry, afraid, nervous, and excited at the same time. Frankly, last saturday when i realized that i couldnt face my thesis anymore, i walked out of room going to a store around Sukajadi, and did a little monthly shopping. I always buy fruit weekly, but only 1 kind at a time. Two days ago, I bought 2 kind of fruits - apple and banana - and also put in some unimportant stuff. Arrgghh...

Today when i practiced presenting my thesis in front of a bunch of friends, i felt somekind of headache. I didnt bring my laptop, but only handout. I still did it but not sure enough bout my thesis. When I told one of my friend about the lecturers who will be the jury, they always said "relax, they're good. u'll be good", i hope it will come true tomorrow. Now i feel my face tiring, and hands shaking, and legs moving.

Wish me luck everyone. I'll definitely do my best!

A place called Brookside

2009-06-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

If I could turn back time, I'd like to get back the best months of life. Last January until march, I was sent to one of GK Village, named Brookside in the north region of the Philippines. It is located in Brgy. Bagong Silangan, Manila. The village was used to be a rural area with undeveloped houses and dirty environment. But now, you would see 300 colorful houses with lovely community and developing environment. There is also an alternative school, Stella Maris Alternative School (SMAS), where I used to work as a teacher assistant for preparatory class students, which also called SIBOL. I stayed in GK Brookside for about a month, starting from January 11 until February 14. At the first time, I was really shocked when I met the children there. Their daily life is actually same as in Indonesia, what makes them different is their economic situation. They are poor but they looked really happy. Then when I visited the school, I was surprised by seeing those clever students, who made me forced myself not to cry at that time. Day by day, I learnt to live a simple life in Brookside. Well, it ain’t easy, because I used to have a lot of things to do back in my country.

Living in a very friendly community was amazing, even though it is hard for them to communicate in English, but they tried their best on it, especially the youth and the mothers. It was my first night in Brookside, I met the youth and some of the children. They smiled and began to shake my hand. The next day, they confidentially practiced their English with me, even though they often said “nose bleeding... nose bleeding”. Well, that phrase express how hard for them using and understanding English. It wasn’t too hard to mingle with the youth, especially when I joined bible sharing program with them every friday, together with the teachers, who were also my room mates. At last bible sharing I attended, there was a girl sharing about her daily life, how hard it is living without parents, and how lucky she is for being adopted. She shared the story in Filipino language actually, but it wasn’t a problem for me. I believe whatever language we used, when we shared something from and with our heart, everyone might not understand it, but they would feel it.

I observed SIBOL and elementary school most of the time there, especially grade 4 and prep-school. I love the children in prep school. They are very nice and open-minded. They might not understand what I was talking about in their class, but I know they love me. When I helped out the teachers with feeding program, the kids would not let me go to serve the meals. In prep-school, there’s a boy named Joel. His warmth, strength, patience and love made me love him back as my youngest brother. Unfortunately, he only lives with his dad, who works as a Pedicab Driver, in the house #56 in front of the court. His mom passed away when she was pregnant, and they were buried together. I could see from Joel’s eyes that he needs care and warmth from a sister or a mother. It showed on his behavior to me. He could be a spoiled boy and would never let me go. He even hugged me, holds my hand every time I was around, and he could never say goodbye when I left him.

In short, what I did there besides being immersed was doing social actions. I created a CYD presentation and short video to be presented to the partners and the donors of GK, and also arranged 2 field trips for the students of SMAS to Manila Zoo, Museo Pambata and Luneta Park. In the second month of my stay, I asked to be transferred to the North Region Office to find out about NGO work. I cooperated with another AIESEC trainee named Sarah, for our last CYD project. We arranged a film showing in the village, which is titled Jesus Christ Superstar. Everyone seemed undoubtedly happy at the end of the film showing. Sadly, that awesome night was our time to say goodbye to the community.

From this great experience I found that ironically, those AIESEC people have never been in the site I used to work, they do not even know where it is. The question is why they do not care about their own people, while many foreigners are even staying in the village and fighting for the happiness of theirs. I do really hope that it won’t happen with AIESEC Indonesia. Actually, Indonesian and Filipino have very similar values of life. We put respect, love, share, and family on the top of our priority. In Brookside, I learned it more, from how to save water, up to how to share happiness with the people there, even thou I didn’t know them well. I love sharing experiences, listening to the mothers when they told me about their children, singing and playing around with the kids, learning something new with the youth, such as: Filipino language, and others. This experience is priceless and amazing. It still gives me the thing that could never be found in any chapter of literatures, teaches me how to be a better person with warm heart, and benefits me with strength of woman. Who doesn’t need those valuable things for building future?

Cliche But True..

2009-06-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

There are things I would change in my life if I could, except the place where I belong now. When I decided to move out (for a while), I was only thinking about several unimportant things. I never thought about how hard living in different city, without any assistance from my mom like I used to, eventhou it's only 2 hours away from home. But it was different. Well, It's been almost 4 years living in Bandung, and I realized that it is the best decision I've ever made in my life. It sounds cliche but it's true. If I did not move there, I'd not been able to make some of my dreams come true. No experience of living abroad, No organizations, No working experience, etc. I just imagined myself living and studying in Jkt, it would be such hard times. considering the traffic, the stress, the distance from my house going to the central of city, the weather, and last but not least - the tension! arghhh I really could not deal with it.

In my family, I can say that I am the girl to be proud of. I'm not telling you why, so you cant judge me. But i fought for it, fought with my mom and dad, with cousins, and even aunts to make them understand what the value of what I was doing back then. My mom is pretty conservative, while my sister and I are people who always look forward and will fight for our dreams. however, those dreams are quite hard to get in common way. so we often fight with her. but dats ok I guess.

Last paraghraph, I would say thank you very much for those who always color up my days, take care of me and each other.. and the journey is not end yet, still got 1 month to go.. Amin..